2017
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Twenty-Seventeen
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OUT OF MY HEAD
By John Addyman

   You know you’re in Wayne County when you see a car with a Christmas tree strapped to the roof…and a deer hanging over the hood.  
   You know you’re in Wayne County if a neighbor says “lake effect” and you can tell how much snow is coming by the inflection in his voice. My friend Frank told me Saturday morning we’d have a foot of snow by today. I thought he was nuts. But he’s been in Wayne County a long time; I’m new. 


   You know you’re in Wayne County when you can pinpoint the location of at least seven dollar stores.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when all of your neighbors know everything there is to know about blue-green algae and nobody’s a biologist.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when the board of supervisors holds public hearings on recycling – and each and every person who speaks at the hearing is in favor of the county continuing the program – but the supervisors axe it anyway.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when the “official newspaper” of many communities and the county government features mug shots of criminals on the front page and has a whole section inside devoted to many more mug shots. The sheriff terms that section of the paper his “yearbook.”
   You know you’re in Wayne County when you arrive at someplace (in the county) you’ve never been before and find out that everyone there knows you – or knows someone who knows you.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when a village, town and county can spend more than $1 million federal dollars renovating a “historic” building that is on the side of a hill, has virtually no parking, appears to be falling down of its own accord, and whose importance is a mystery to most people who know about it.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when your “winter car” and your “summer car” are the same car.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when a church rummage sale takes almost two weeks to organizes, involves dozens of volunteers, and has people waiting 40 deep to get inside on opening day. And everybody has fun.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when residents of one town are gifted with all the smells and transport issues of a manure lagoon the size of a small golf course that is owned by a factory farm in another town. Should the town erect, “Bring Us Your Poop” signs?
   You know you’re in Wayne County when you can have a serious conversation with someone for 15 minutes about different 17 varieties of apples.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when two services that do the most to serve the public good by taking care of residents least able to take care of themselves --- the nursing home and the certified home health agency – are favorite targets of tax hawks who want to eliminate both programs.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when the people from outside the county love the Erie Canal and the people inside the county have no idea what to do with it.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when a group by the name of the Muckland Crooners can release a CD filled with songs about potatoes.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when instead of running for bread and milk in advance of a snowstorm, you drive into town to get gas for the generator.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when you walk out the door in the morning and almost always hear small engines roaring – lawn mowers, snow blowers, weed whackers, chain saws.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when it’s nearly impossible to get a public official or municipal employee on the phone between noon and 1 p.m.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when there are blizzard conditions outside and you call the school district and are told, “Snow Day??!! We don’t have no stinkin’ snow days! This is Wayne County!!”
   You know you’re in Wayne County when the TV weather guys talk about how bad (or good) the weather is in Wayne County – and are really talking about any area east of Rochester because they have no idea where Wayne County really is.
   You know you’re in Wayne County when you can read this list and add five more items to it…
   
   

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